Here, Let Me Show You

When I'm learning something, I do fairly well if you tell me how it is done.  But if you show me, the information is clearer, more understandable, and the details stay in my memory banks a lot longer.

It's the same with "Show, Don't Tell", the phrase used to identify writers in the wild.  The problem is people always TELL you this rule, and since there's only three words involved, it's easy to understand what it MEANS.  But in order to make sense of it, somebody needs to SHOW how it works.  

Any volunteers?  No?  Okay, here's my attempt at it.

Showing = Dialogue + Action

Showing is giving the details—the sights, sounds, emotions--AS the characters experience them.  The storyteller displays the scene as it is unfolding, without interpretation.  Think of it as a "live" event, happening in "real time".  The characters see what people do, and how they react, but they DESCRIBE it. 

Instead of saying, "John was angry", you describe what John does when he is angry.  Maybe he clenches his fists, or grinds his teeth, or punches a hole in concrete.  (Yeah, John is a badass.  So don't make him angry.)   Instead of "Mary was sad", maybe her eyes filled with tears, or she dropped her head into her hands, or she dove into a carton of Ben & Jerry's.  (It's all John's fault.  He promised he would be more respectful of concrete.)

Showing is all about the experience, for the characters AND the readers.

Telling = Dialogue + Explanation

Telling is like a tape-delayed event, with a running commentary on what happened, because the commentator doesn't believe you can figure it out just by watching what happens.  So they EXPLAIN it.

This is where those pesky adverbs come in, usually after a character delivers their dialogue.  It's easier to write, "Don't make me punch you," John said angrily.  Because most of us know what "angrily" entails.  It's a form of shorthand.  But, it also abbreviates the emotional experience.  You're informing the reader how to react, like holding up an Applause sign, or providing a laugh track.  They don't get to experience it like they do when you show that John has steam coming out his ears, and his fists are clenched, and concrete is trying to find a place to hide before John shows up.

Think of telling this way:  Someone tells you a joke, and right after they deliver the punchline, they explain the joke to you.  And then they repeat the punchline, just in case you didn't get it the first fourteen times they said it, and then they nudge you, saying, "Get it?"

Annoying, isn't it?  You want to yell, "I freakin' get it already!"

Telling lets the reader know what happened, but without experiencing it in depth.

So this is why "Show, Don't Tell" is such an important writing concept.  However, in order to make it more understandable, I prefer to phrase it as "Experience It, Don't Explain It". 

I know it's not as snappy, but it does a better job of expressing what I'm trying to accomplish.  When I'm tempted to throw in an adverb or say that a character laughed, so the reader will know for sure this is a funny line of dialogue, I go back to this "Experience It, Don't Explain It" mantra.  It requires you to have confidence in your dialogue.  It also requires you to have faith in your readers, believing they can figure things out without you nudging them and saying, "Get it?"

Movies are great at showing – after all, what are movies but Dialogue + Action.  The actors use their faces and bodies to express their emotions while they are speaking, and this is what we want our characters to do.  Movie characters do not have the luxury of expressing their inner thoughts the way that book characters can.  Everything movie characters express is through their dialogue, their facial expressions, and their gestures and body movements.

So recently I decided to watch a movie, with pen and paper in hand, to capture this information.  In this case, since I was working on a Regency historical, I selected something close to that time period, because I wanted the movements and gestures to reflect that era.

So I watched "The Scarlet Pimpernel", which stars my latest crush, Richard E. Grant.  (Swoon.)  I wrote down facial expressions as they happened, along with the accompanying gestures, and body movements.  I had to hit the Pause button frequently, because emotions and expressions were flying around fast and furious.  (It was also a great time to get a snack.)

Not only did this exercise open my eyes to a wider variety of options for my characters, it increased my skill at describing these actions.  I found myself using different words to describe the various nuances of emotion.  In one of my favorite scenes, Mr. Grant (LOVE him!) had an expression that I could not describe, so somebody needs to invent a word for it.  It was glee mixed with playfulness and sassiness and. . .well, I can assure you I will be watching it again, just to see if I can figure out how to describe it.  (It's WORK!  Honest!)

So I hope I've SHOWN you how to make this concept work for you.  The important thing to remember is "Experience It, Don't Explain It".  And if any of you watches "The Scarlet Pimpernel" and can figure out how to describe that emotion he's experiencing. . . shoot me an email.

 

Comments

[Terri Osburn]

I've been trying to wrap my brain around this concept and only recently gotten a handle on it. I've taken workshops on this very topic that weren't nearly as good as this blog. And I'm the same way, I HAVE to have examples.

That looks sounds like a mixture of aroused and hopeful. LOL! Not sure what the word for that would be. Optimistic?

[Leslee]

Was the emotion tantalizing? (Haven't seen it, and can't quite picture Richard E. Grant as a swoon-worthy hero, so maybe I'll have to check it out...)

[Donna Cummings]

Terri, this blog post came about PRECISELY because I needed to wrap my brain around the concept! I hope that with practice it will become more second nature -- it feels like more effort is required, but it does make the reading experience a richer one.

I think I'm going to drive all of us crazy with The Emotion That Cannot Be Named. LOL It's a scene where he's pretending to be somebody else, and it's quite dangerous to do so, but he's thrilled when somebody enters the room that could give him away. Maybe it's a series of emotions, one right after the other. Mmmm.

[Donna Cummings]

Leslee, I totally agree with him not seeming swoon-worthy -- in fact, I didn't watch this particular miniseries for the longest time, for that very reason. But he's one of those whose face is transformed with his expressions. . .well, I could TELL you, but it would be better if I could SHOW you. LOL Get thee to Netflix!

[Donna Cummings]

Leslee -- P.S. It's filmed in Prague, so you HAVE to see it now!

[Maureen]

Great topic! Not sure I want to look at my MS now. Scared. Very scared. Have a big gaping pit in the center of my body and a screaming mini-me running around it in total fear and denial.

I think I'm just going to keep working on passive vs active and ignore everything you said.

For now.

[Donna Cummings]

Maureen, I understand entirely. Whenever I have revisions, I pretty much circle around them for a couple days, and then my brain rolls up its sleeves and is ready to attack it. If you try to do it before you're ready. . .it is painful.

BUTTTTT -- if you're working on passive v. active, then you already ARE working on showing v. telling. Showing is considered active, while telling is passive.

So here you thought you were in denial, and you're not!

[Maureen]

Am, too!

[Terri Osburn]

She's in denial about not being in denial.

[Maureen]

Yeah! Uh...maybe...

I need a nap.

[Donna Cummings]

You guys are too funny! Denial is so powerful, it'll make you deny that you're in denial. I like that! A nap is always good too. :)

[Melissa]

What a fantastic and thoughtful/thought provoking blog. :) So many interesting things! I want to try that with watching a movie and writing down the emotions. Great idea! I think that will eliminate a lot of adverbs. I also want to figure out The Emotion That Cannot Be Named. LOL

I wonder if showing vs. telling is different for first and third person POV? It seems there is more of a natural tendency for telling in first person because the commentator is sharing what is personal. But, on the other hand, I think in first person it's not as natural to slip into adverbs as third person. I stop myself from saying, "I don't care," I said angrily. That doesn't feel right. For some reason I would feel like saying.

"I don't care." Now he'd made me angry.

Still telling, but it feels like I needed to tell, like I'm confiding. I guess I could eliminate the 'now he'd made me angry' with an action showing anger, but, unlike third person, 'now he'd made her angry' it doesn't seem like as much as a no-no. To me anyway! LOL

[Donna Cummings]

Melissa, I'm glad you found this useful. (And I hope when everyone sees The Emotion That Cannot Be Named they don't look at me and say, "You couldn't figure THAT out?" LOL)

I was wondering the same thing about 1st POV versus 3rd POV, but I didn't have a chance to explore it when I was writing my post. So I'm glad you brought it up.

You're right--it feels like confiding, because we're right there with the narrator's thoughts. I liked your example of "Now he'd made me angry". It's almost like more dialogue in that situation, so it doesn't FEEL like telling.

And I don't think you can't ever have telling. The most important rule of writing, as far as I'm concerned, is making sure you communicate your story so the reader has a wonderful experience. When you do that, rules don't really matter anymore. :)

[Clarissa Southwick]

Great job explaining a hard concept. A friend was just asking about this. I'll be referring her to this post.

[Donna Cummings]

Thanks, Clarissa! I actually had to come up with this explanation for ME. LOL It helped me figure out what I wanted to do with some recent revisions. I hope your friend finds it helpful. :)

[Terri Osburn]

I'm going to buck Melissa's idea on the first person. I feel like writing in first person, I'd be more likely to say how something makes me feel, which is really the showing.

"I don't care." I struggled to slow my breathing and barely noticed my nails digging into my palms.

I think telling works the same in 1st or 3rd, you go with the feelings. The "effect" of whatever is happening. When I'm angry, I might feel hot or out of control or violent. Focusing on the details is the only way I've figured out how to do this, and still I can't always find the words.

This weekend I wanted to explain that the heroine was wringing her hands. That thing where you sort of tug on one finger with your other hand. Could not figure out how to say it even though I could picture it in my mind clear as could be. So I totally get the emotion that cannot be named. Or described. :)

[Donna Cummings]

Terri, I struggle sometimes with those explanations -- and it makes it feel like I'm putting too many words into something that isn't really that important! LOL

I like your 1st POV example, and I think it focuses on the actions, while Melissa's example focuses on internal dialogue. They both FEEL like showing to me, but I may be confusing myself. LOL

But you're exactly right -- focusing on the details that the character would feel and notice -- that's what gives the reader the emotional experience.

[Melissa]

It gets tricky doesn't it? LOL Actually, I didn't feel my example felt like showing. It's telling, but I'm trying to excuse it. :) I like how you get that it’s internal dialogue continued from the spoken. I like Terry's too. I think it would be okay to actually combine the two.

"I don't care." Now he'd made me angry. I struggled to to slow my breathing and barely noticed my nails digging into my palms.

Hey, we could have a scene in a minute. LOL

[Melissa]

It gets tricky doesn't it? LOL Actually, I didn't feel my example felt like showing. It's telling, but I'm trying to excuse it. :) I like how you get that it’s internal dialogue continued from the spoken. I like Terry's too. I think it would be okay to actually combine the two.

"I don't care." Now he'd made me angry. I struggled to to slow my breathing and barely noticed my nails digging into my palms.

Hey, we could have a scene in a minute. LOL

[Donna Cummings]

Melissa, my blog seems to be making up for gobbling up your other comments by sending this one twice! Either that, or it was worth READING twice. :)

I like combining both, actually. Of course, I am particularly fond of internal dialogue. :) And having the body parts DOING things gives the scene a sense of action -- it's less static, which is also a reason to show, not tell.

[Anita Clenney]

Great post! This was a great explanation of something that's such a problem for us writers. It's so easy to slip into telling. I tweeted it, hope you don't mind.

[Donna Cummings]

I'm glad you liked it, Anita. It became a lot clearer to me after this recent round of revisions I was working on.

And I'm thrilled that you tweeted it -- thanks for doing that. :)

[Terri Osburn]

Those two are better combined. So, Melissa, I sense a partnership brewing here. LOL! Imagine who much faster we could write with TWO of us working on the same thing.

[Terri Osburn]

That should be HOW much faster. LOL! That's what I get for typing in a hurry.

[Donna Cummings]

*claps hands* I feel like a matchmaker! When you do your book tour, you'll have to say you got together HERE. LOL

[ClubPenguinCheats]

This was a great explanation of something that's such a problem for us writers.