I love to read articles promising to decipher The Mind of Man. Even more exciting is when these articles are written BY men. It's a rare opportunity when insiders offer to spill their closely-held secrets.
Since I write romance, information like this is invaluable when I write from the male POV. This way I can have the men in my books somewhat realistic, in my own idealized fashion. After that, I can say, "any mistakes are solely the fault of the author, and her hyperactive wish-fulfillment system".
Recently I stumbled across a wonderful, insightful article titled 10 Biggest Myths About Men, by Brendan Tapley. Before I even finished reading it, I had fallen in love with this man.
(If there's a Mrs. Brendan Tapley, don't worry – I typically fall in love about every 7-10 days. Just think of it as a love virus that will run its course. If there ISN'T a Mrs. Tapley. . . Brendan, e-mail me. We need to give the caterers a firm number of how many will be at the reception.)
I was particularly fascinated by this one:
Myth #7: A Woman’s Looks Are Everything
Non, nein, nope. A woman’s beauty is a thing to behold, and sometimes we can behold it at the wrong times (like when passing another woman on the sidewalk). But that’s just visual titillation. The stimulus that matters most reaches our hearts and minds. A woman with a laser-like intelligence, sharp sense of humor and a compassionate soul—now, that’s a centerfold.
First off, I love the confession of "wrongful beholding". Guys, we know you do this, but we pretend we don't see it. It seems to increase your enjoyment if you think you're getting away with something. Plus, it keeps you from noticing we're doing some wrongful beholding of our own.
Ahem.
Also, we get that a woman stimulates the portion of you that resides MUCH lower than your heart or your mind. Actually, we're all for that. We have stimulus receptors in a lot of places too, and they need constant calibration and fine-tuning to ensure optimal functionality.
You come in VERY handy for this.
But here's the part of Myth #7 that manages to shock and awe: a "centerfold" is not the female who has naked skin—lots of it--displayed above and below the staples in a magazine. No, this distinction belongs to the woman who stimulates a man's heart and mind.
We see this portrayed all the time in romance books—it's one of the reasons we read them. Over the course of 300+ pages, the hero discovers that the heroine's intelligence, humor, and compassion outrank whatever physical beauty her DNA has bestowed upon her. He treasures her because she inspires him in a way that no one else ever has, and likely never will. The hero comes to realize this woman is not only a centerfold, but the center of his life.
So when I read this article saying real-live men feel the same way our fictional heroes do--well, you can see why I fell head over heels in love with its author.
Now I'm off to research the going rate for cloning him. Fingers crossed we can get a group discount.
Lord almighty, why do I think there was a stampede to greet Brendan personally? And offer him pictures of ourselves in our best underwear, cooking a pie or something homey?
I have to go read the rest of these myths.
Thank you, Donna! It's so lovely to think the dream might not be dead after all!
Posted by: Hellion | May 28, 2010 at 01:37 PM
I'll read this article as soon as I can come up for air, but if men like this exist, I'd like to know what planet they are on and book a ticket on the next shuttle. In my experience, men will eventually get past the looks, but (HUGE BUT HERE) most men won't get past the looks long enough to find out if I'm smart or funny or compassionate.
Posted by: Terri Osburn | May 28, 2010 at 02:31 PM
I gotta agree with Terri... It's getting them past the wrongful beholding...or getting the blood back in the head! The on at the top of the shoulders.
I married a great guy, but I wonder about the rest of men...but then again...if all I know is what I see on television... They all can't be like Tony Denoza, right? Please?
Posted by: Maureen | May 28, 2010 at 02:46 PM
Hellion, I'm an unrepentant romantic, because I like to think the dream isn't dead either!
Of course, I hope the competition doesn't rest on pie-baking skills -- I'll be sunk for sure! LOL
Posted by: Donna Cummings | May 28, 2010 at 05:55 PM
Terri, I was hoping a shuttle flight wasn't necessary! Or if it is, hopefully they'll fly HERE (I'm not a good flyer!)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | May 28, 2010 at 05:56 PM
Maureen, this is why I think we should do the cloning. LOL Maybe we'll have to have a telethon, to raise enough funds to clone enough to go around. :)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | May 28, 2010 at 05:58 PM
Great topic, Donna. I think we tend to stereotype guys, and probably a lot of them deserve it :) But in all honesty, I think as human beings, male or female, we notice the looks first. As a romance writer, I think attraction is huge.I admit I only dated good looking guys. That sounds shallow, but I had to be attracted to the outside or the inside didn't matter. It was a two part thing with me, and the second part was huge. The INSIDE had darned well better match the good looking outside, or all the looks in the world are useless. Nothing worse than a good looking guy who's a jerk. And it's a good thing we have different opinions on what is good looking or what attracts us or we'd all be after the same ten guys or girls. Thank God I found mine and I'm happy with the inside and the outside.
Posted by: Anita Clenney | May 28, 2010 at 06:28 PM
Anita, thanks for commenting! I definitely agree that attraction is huge, and as you said, thank goodness we all find different things attractive. LOL (Hard to believe that everyone doesn't fall in love with Johnny Depp the way that I do!)
Still, the INSIDE has to match (or exceed) the attractive exterior. If not, all that decoration just goes to waste! LOL
Posted by: Donna Cummings | May 28, 2010 at 06:46 PM
LOL I'd like to clone him myself :-)
Great post Donna!
Posted by: Kari Townsend | May 29, 2010 at 07:42 AM
"...we get that a woman stimulates the portion of you that resides MUCH lower than your heart or your mind." I laughed out loud at this one!
I agree with you. As a 5'1" blonde girl, I have been to have my oil changed in my car and had guys make trashy comments about my look that they seem to think I won't notice. Apparently blonde hair means you don't have ears. Then, I have a husband who likes the way I look, true, but he also values my sense of humor and my brain far more. So, they do exist...it's just the finding them! :-) Good post!
Posted by: colbymarshall | May 30, 2010 at 03:11 PM
Colby! I didn't realize you had commented! Glad to see you here -- and glad I provided you with some chuckles. :)
I am blonde too, and it's always fun when people make the WRONG assumptions about us blondies! LOL Sometimes we have to use it to our advantage though, don't we? :)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | June 01, 2010 at 01:33 PM