Sorry, We're All Out of Shoulds Today

Do you live your life as a plotter?  Or do you live it as a pantser?  I suspect most of us blend the two in our daily lives, probably as a result of going overboard with one method and then getting so sick of it, we decide we have to balance it with a little of the other method.

Maybe it's not even a blend.  It might be more like a seesaw, going back and forth from one extreme to the other, until we get so caught up in finding the right way to get things done, we forget what we wanted to do.

Some days there are just too many "shoulds".  Today felt like one.  I had procrastinated on something that could not be avoided any longer, and I had no choice but to get that off the Absolutely Must Do list.  Then there were a couple other things that were on the Need To Do list, but I knew I could push them off a little while, so I did.

Then there was the Crisis That Appeared Out of Nowhere (aka Not On Any List) that had to be dealt with.  Today was one of those lovely gloomy days where you don't need to go out, so you can hibernate indoors. . .until you realize that the big-ass whoosh of wind that is scattering the leaves so artistically is intent on taking your empty garbage barrel for a little joyride.  So I bundled up in something that wouldn't be too shocking to any neighbors that happened to be out performing the same rescue mission, and then I got rained on like the heavens above thought I was a crispy dried-up plant that needed watering. 

I told myself I "should" be writing today, to meet my writing goals.  Yet after that blustery day adventure, I definitely needed a break from the "shoulds".

I remembered this subversive little post I'd seen a while ago called "the best goal is no goal", on the zenhabits blog.  According to Leo Babauta, the author of this post, a goal-based system sets you up for failure.  This is because "[w]hen you don’t feel like doing something, you have to force yourself to do it. Your path is chosen, so you don’t have room to explore new territory."

We are such a goal-oriented society, and we all know that if you aren't going to have goals, then by goodness, you're going to have guilt.  Everyone getting stuff done will make sure of that.

However, Mr. Babauta doesn't advocate sitting around and doing nothing.  In fact, he suggests you spend your time absorbed in what you feel passionate about.  As he says, "In the end, I usually end up achieving more than if I had goals, because I’m always doing something I’m excited about. But whether I achieve or not isn’t the point at all:  all that matters is that I’m doing what I love, always."

So this post inspired me to make an apple pie today.

Now I've been wanting to make an apple pie for a little while.  I've never made one before, and it felt like something I "should" do at least once in my life.  I tweeted a few days ago that I was going to do it, but I chickened out.  Guilt was starting to make an appearance, because I'd already bought the apples from a local orchard, and I didn't want them going to waste.  So today was the day.

Only after re-reading Mr. Babauta's post, I wanted to approach pie-making a little differently.  I didn't want it to be another item to "get done", something I could scratch off the list.  I wanted to enjoy the experience of it.  And I did.  It may not be the prettiest pie in the world, or the most delectable, but I had a ball making it, and I was grinning while cutting the first slice, because I'd had so much fun accomplishing something.

That's the same feeling we want to have about our writing.  Instead, all the "shoulds" hover over us, reminding us to write every day or get a certain word count done.  They tap us on the shoulder to remind us of the rules we're breaking.  All of a sudden it's easy to start thinking of writing as the last chore you'd ever want to do.  Heck, cleaning cobwebs from the ceiling ends up higher on the list of fun tasks.

Maybe it's time to revert to those long-ago exciting moments when we took our first stab at writing down a story.  Remember how fun that was?  We had characters that weren't like anybody else's, and they said the most amusing things, and our only goal was to write that story, blissfully unaware that it was actually work.

So today I'm declaring this a "should-free" zone.  Let's be excited about writing.  Love what you're doing.  Don't make it a dreaded task you've got to do, your teeth clenched together to keep from swearing.  Explore.  Enjoy.  Be creative.  Be joyous.

Let's make writing a choice, not a chore.

Comments

[Maureen]

Nice. I should really follow this suggestion. ;-)

I've been thinking lately that the pressure of thinking of a word count was poisoning my efforts to write. Because I was making such small progress that those words just weren't adding up fast enough to count! Sigh.

I do know better. So today, I'll write the story just for the story and if the words aren't enough...I can add those when I feel passionate about them!

[Donna Cummings]

Maureen, sorry I didn't comment sooner -- I decided I "should" go out and enjoy the sunshine, and of course when I finally got ready, the sun disappeared and the wind took over again. LOL Still I decided to go to my "office" at Starbuck's, because that magic table there helps with my writing so much -- and it did the same again today!

I think it helps to think of a story as being fun -- Terri had mentioned in a comment the other day here about it being "make believe", and that got me to thinking. We need to feel that joy, so we can transmit it to our stories. :)

[Bren]

Oh boy, girlie, you KNOW this rings a bell with me! The "Shoulda woulda couldas" will kill your spirit if you give them a chance. Thanks for giving me, through your post, the freedom to just "DO", exercising - and exOrcising - those demons into exhaustion so I can get to the good stuff!

[Donna Cummings]

Those "shoulds" do know how to worm inside our souls, don't they? I think I'm calling a moratorium on them today too. :) It's just too nice a day to let the "shoulds" be in charge! Hope you get to steer clear of them too.