I started this blog two years ago, and decided I'd revisit the very first blog post I did. Naturally, being a writer, I couldn't resist the temptation to edit it, mainly so that it will fit your TV screen--er, I mean, to reduce the wordage a bit. Anyway, hope you enjoy this blast from February, 2009.
Writing is a waiting game, at every level, from querying, to that moment the book is ready for readers to purchase. Waiting is not an enjoyable pastime though. Nobody ever says "Hallelujah! I get to WAIT!"
You can spend the waiting time by clicking on "Check Mail" so much that your email provider actually re-designs the program and eliminates that feature. (I'm pretty sure it's coincidence Hotmail did that, but I managed to foil their evil plan and find a workaround.)
Since waiting will never be completely bearable, here are some things I've come up with to distract you from the waiting game. The best part is they even qualify as a productive use of your time, so you don't have to feel guilty for not writing (because they're writing-related).
1. Write the dedication and the acknowledgment pages for your book. These can actually change, day to day, based on who has irritated you ("you are so out of my book after that snarky comment"), or inspired you ("I'm moving them up to the third paragraph of the dedication since they let me turn left in front of all that traffic").
2. Figure out the casting for the movie version. Even if you don't get casting approval, at some point you will be asked, "So who did you envision playing so-and-so?" If you've already thought this through, you won't have to fumble around for an answer while on live TV. Plus it's really fun to fantasize about plan those intimate meetings to discuss "character motivation" with the hunky actor playing the part.
3. Write your Oscar acceptance speech. This is a synopsis of the people who deserve to be thanked (you don't want to be chided for leaving out Someone Important), as well as a chance to say, "This wouldn't be possible if I hadn't written a really kick-ass book".
4. Plan your outfits for your personal appearances. This is too important to be left to the last minute. Nobody needs a wardrobe malfunction to upstage what a great book you've unleashed on the world.
5. Write cover blurbs for your friends' books. This will give you practice writing succinct, pithy bon mots, and it will also generate good karma for when you need reciprocity for your books. If you don't have friends who write, practice writing succinct, pithy mal mots for those books that made you wonder how the author got published before you did. Just make sure you sprinkle some "bad karma repellant" around first.
6. Prepare for your Oprah interview. You know you won't jump up and down on her couch, but you might get a little sniffly describing the long waiting game that is known as publishing. So rehearse what you'll say, and practice being modest.
7. Write some questions for book clubs. Of course people will select your book for their monthly meeting. This is the book they've been waiting for, the one that makes slogging through all those other gatherings worthwhile. Plus you can steer them towards those passages that you really love, and that deserve a little extra love and attention.
8. Outline your "How to Get Published" book. You've learned a lot about writing, and waiting. Once you're a best-selling author, you may not have time to write this book, so do it now, while it's fresh in your mind.
I'm sure you can come up with other great ideas for staying sane. Feel free to share them! We're waiting. . .
I'm not sure I can top any of these, but it does seem odd as a list of 8. Like, it's a list of 10 with 2 things missing. So I'll go with "Buy several picture frames" so that you'll be prepared to mount all those gorgeous covers on your office wall. And "Create your awards shelf." The ultimate "If you build it, they will come" policy in action.
Posted by: Terri Osburn | February 25, 2011 at 11:25 AM
LOL, Terri. I didn't even think of that! Obviously math is not my strong suit, so maybe I need to add "Hire an accountant, to help with all the royalties AND blog post numbering". LOL
I definitely like the way you think though -- picture frames for the covers, an awards shelf. *nods head* Yes, that sounds perfect. Oh, and I need to get an office. (My couch doesn't count. LOL)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 11:31 AM
I love this post...It truly is your humor. AND, I can totally see you doing these to pass the time! I know how much you love to wait. I miss you! Pam
Posted by: Pam Abbott | February 25, 2011 at 12:19 PM
This is really funny. I lurve it! I want to add one more I recently heard another blogger mention. Go to the bookstore and check out the space where your book will be shelved. Visualize it there.
I'm off to dream about Jeffrey Dean Morgan or maybe Hugh Jackman or...
Posted by: Kari Marie | February 25, 2011 at 12:50 PM
Pammie! I miss you too. And you've always been so appreciative of my humor, which makes me happy, and grateful. :)
I wouldn't mind waiting so much if it didn't involve, well, WAITING. LOL
We need to have another GNO (Girls' Night Out) one of these days. Maybe we can meet halfway--say, Nebraska? :)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 12:51 PM
Kari Marie, I'm glad it gave you a chuckle! And thanks for adding the "visualize your book on the shelf" one. That is very important, not to mention FUN. :)
Have fun in dreamboat-land! I think I'm going to take a little Richard Armitage break. . .
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 01:07 PM
How about imagine the financial consultant you'll need to handle all the royalties... Or did you cover that with the accountant stuff?
I do like to imagine the advertising... And my big one was considering the topics I'd cover when asked to take part in panel discussions at conventions!
Posted by: Maureen | February 25, 2011 at 01:44 PM
Wow, I should have consulted with you guys before I wrote this. LOL Such great additions! I like the panel discussion idea--that's a good one. :)
I think a financial consultant could be separate from the accountant. I think the consultant helps you decide where to put your money, while the accountant does taxes and things like that. Hopefully there's enough money to hire both of them. LOL
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 01:56 PM
I already know who I'd hire when I win the lottery... ;-) So, I'm ready for that!
Posted by: Maureen | February 25, 2011 at 03:21 PM
You have a different one for the lottery win? That's a good idea. You don't want your employees to get bogged down with all that work!
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 03:43 PM
I've actually done the "go to the bookstore and picture your book on the shelf" thing. Turns out, not a lot of authors with names starting with "O".
Posted by: Terri Osburn | February 25, 2011 at 03:51 PM
Terri, that's true! You can have the "O" to yourself.
I have investigated who would be my "bookshelf roommates" in the bookstore. LOL I would be in the midst of great company. :)
Posted by: Donna Cummings | February 25, 2011 at 04:20 PM