The Romance of Social Media

Nobody wants to be thought of as a sure thing. We all want to be wooed, and courted. The essence of romance is making a person feel special, demonstrating in numerous creative ways how important they are.

Social media should be like that, too. When used in the best way possible, it can seduce, entice, and intrigue. It can turn a stranger into a friend, and a friend into a fan.

When we first fell in love with social media, it was thrilling. We couldn't wait to dive into Twitter and Facebook, chatting with new people in time zones all over the world. There were enthusiastic conversations about writing, and books, and characters in a favorite story. It was easy to fall in love with an author, or a reader, based on shared interests on all kinds of topics, just from the connections made through our computers.

But now? Social media has been described as a chore, something writers have to do to sell books. It's often viewed as a necessary evil, a task that must be done, but one that gets in the way of the important stuff: writing books.

Maybe it's time to breathe new life into this social media romance, to reclaim those heady days when we first fell head over heels with all of the suitors clamoring for our attention.

Since we write romance, we know the importance of getting through the black moment and finding our way to a happily-ever-after. Here are a few suggestions for making that happen:

1. Every romance requires sincere effort -- While it's efficient to use tons of pre-programmed tweets, or to send out constant "buy my book" reminders, their impersonal nature can actually defeat your intentions of wooing your audience. Someone who spends their social media time actually socializing will get the results you're hoping for. Don't let some smooth-talking lothario steal the hearts of your potential readers. Make them fall in love with you. It's not about making a conquest. It's making a concerted effort to show they truly matter.
2. Don't take the romance for granted -- With instant gratification media, it's too easy to focus on numbers and followers and statistical data that makes it seem like you've sealed the deal and never have to exert yourself further. But we're talking about relationships, and they need to be nurtured, not neglected. It's not about collecting, but connecting. This is meant to be a long-term thing. It's just as easy to unfollow as it is to follow, and unliking can happen a lot faster than liking. People have taken a chance on you, so show them their time and attention is valuable to you--because it is.
3. Small romantic gestures mean a lot -- It's exciting to be singled out with a retweet or a share or a repin. It means that not only is somebody paying attention, they value what we've said, and they want other people to see it. So show some love by reciprocating. Add a few words to someone else's tweet before you send it along. Send congrats to someone on their good news, even if you don't know them yet. It's easy to just click an upraised thumb, but how much more meaningful if you comment on someone's status, or their blog post. If these are things that would make your heart skip with joy, then definitely do them for others.

These are some of my ideas for keeping your social media romance fresh and fun. I'd love to hear what works for you.

Comments

[Mae Clair]

Wonderful ideas, Donna! I love your comment that "it's not about collecting, but connecting." That's so true and what I prefer o do with social media.

I think part of the problem with losing the romance is that as authors, we're expected to be in so many different places online to maintain a presence. I would limit myself to those that work best for me (and where I do connect the most) if not for the expectation of many publishers.

I think that's where we get stretched too thin. It's difficult to maintain those connections on so many various social media sites. Maintaining one or two where we're really connecting would make a big difference IMHO.

[Donna Cummings]

Thanks, Mae! It's definitely easy to get stretched too thin, and I can worry about not doing enough, especially when I'm reading my FB stats. LOL (Have you noticed they seem to be designed so you ALWAYS fail in at least one category? LOL)

I love the connections I have on Twitter, and I didn't expect that I'd love it so much there. And I love all the connections I've made via Six Sentence Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors -- so many great writer friends there!

[Quantum]

I think I must be a bit of a wall flower as I've never tweeted anyone and icons with 'facebook' send me shuddering for another coffee!

I have always preferred small gatherings where more meaningful discussion is possible. Some blogs (like this one) are excellent. One can get to know an author better which helps to understand and appreciate the books

Thats where the romance of the internet lies for me. Getting to know the authors that most appeal through their writing!

You're doing OK Donna. *huge romantic hug*

[Donna Cummings]

Q, thanks for the virtual romantic hug! It's a great way to start the day. :)

I agree with you about small gatherings where you can get to know people, by actually chatting and interacting. And it's funny, because even though there are a ton of people on Twitter, it always *feels* like a small gathering to me. LOL

And I've found a lot of authors via social media interactions--maybe more than I'll ever be able to read!